Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
