you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
