so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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