I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
