Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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