I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
