I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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