apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
