Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
