Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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