No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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