You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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