I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
