Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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