Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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