Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
