areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
