i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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