I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
