I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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