So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
