I wanna bring you to show and tell
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
