In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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