I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
