i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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