I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
