I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
