I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
