she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
