Your tits are I can't wait for
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
