it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
