I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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