i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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