Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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