Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize