So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
