Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
