I wish life had little blips of pornography
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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