no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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