I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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