i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
