Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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