I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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