There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
