I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
