puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
