I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found puke in my bra..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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