Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
