im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
