Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
