Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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