Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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