I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
foreskin is a definite game changer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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