How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
