This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
