You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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