You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ladies don't puke and tell
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
