i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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