My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
