I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
