Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
