Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....