At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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