i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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