Texts From Last Night

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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.

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  (843): if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume. http://tfl.nu/blds
  Replies (47) Good night (3731) Bad night (744)
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  (845): View more from New York

  How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?

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  (845): How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old? http://tfl.nu/18lu
  Replies (48) Good night (1270) Bad night (7307)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.

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  (608): It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/47ew
  Replies (10) Good night (3586) Bad night (1159)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

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  (864): and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot. http://tfl.nu/9hr6
  Replies (10) Good night (2289) Bad night (1617)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night

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  (952): Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night http://tfl.nu/i23x
  Replies (1) Good night (1993) Bad night (1068)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.

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  (304): I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud. http://tfl.nu/1ldm
  Replies (8) Good night (2304) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"

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  (812): whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight" http://tfl.nu/xl0q
  Replies (1) Good night (1073) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.

  (1-863): View more from Florida

  You're a fucking train wreck.

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  (863): So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal. (1-863): You're a fucking train wreck. http://tfl.nu/4qd3
  Replies (3) Good night (1567) Bad night (609)
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  (818): View more from California

  Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."

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  (818): Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right." http://tfl.nu/w7y1
  Replies (8) Good night (717) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".

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  (916): Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles". http://tfl.nu/t7tu
  Replies (4) Good night (1036) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA

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  (516): Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA http://tfl.nu/40i2
  Replies (2) Good night (1109) Bad night (421)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter

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  (505): Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter http://tfl.nu/c0ww
  Replies (5) Good night (1002) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.

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  (646): I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously. http://tfl.nu/f1wv
  Replies (1) Good night (246) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.

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  (757): I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci. http://tfl.nu/01hs
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  He told me how it ended, then I blew him.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??

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  (281): He told me how it ended, then I blew him. (303): So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him?? http://tfl.nu/u71s
  Replies (1) Good night (606) Bad night (381)

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