It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
