dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
