Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.

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  (336): If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions. http://tfl.nu/lybr
  Replies (54) Good night (758) Bad night (1553)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.

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  (843): His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked. http://tfl.nu/h1xn
  Replies (17) Good night (3912) Bad night (667)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5494) Bad night (1039)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.

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  (517): Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months. http://tfl.nu/qynd
  Replies (39) Good night (614) Bad night (9485)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cooked or uncooked?

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  (415): Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep. (503): Cooked or uncooked? http://tfl.nu/xhai
  Replies (12) Good night (4020) Bad night (672)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.

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  (859): I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver. http://tfl.nu/rtt7
  Replies (2) Good night (803) Bad night (2902)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...

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  (919): Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible... http://tfl.nu/6e9j
  Replies (6) Good night (1658) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?

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  (913): Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar? http://tfl.nu/6f8e
  Replies (10) Good night (2297) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.

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  (337): so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ckx3
  Replies (14) Good night (811) Bad night (2236)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable

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  (817): she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable http://tfl.nu/cijd
  Replies (13) Good night (636) Bad night (1885)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it

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  (484): somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it http://tfl.nu/giry
  Replies (7) Good night (825) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  how did you know?

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  (330): hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something? (614): is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'? (330): how did you know? http://tfl.nu/tzki
  Replies (5) Good night (2400) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.

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  (515): I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion. http://tfl.nu/z0x4
  Replies (2) Good night (767) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.

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  (210): Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline. http://tfl.nu/jwnb
  Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer

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  (724): She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer http://tfl.nu/pgrt
  Replies (5) Good night (237) Bad night (895)

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