the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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