Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
