you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
