FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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