I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
