he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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