I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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