she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
