she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
