im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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