Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
