I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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