I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
